Hurts Like Burning

It's been done elsewhere, sure, and done better. But I simply can't stop talking about my new ink.

It's like my baby...only I don't have to change its diapers or help to potty-train it, and it hopefully won't sneak out of the house, steal my car, or suddenly move out in a huff at age 18. *fingers crossed* Yet it is that same sort of proprietary delight I suspect one might feel while fondly gazing at, if not perhaps their own children, then at least those of, say, a second cousin.

The Tao, it is said, is like water. It inhabits even the lowest places, and, given time, can affect anything placed in its path. The characters in my tattoo, wu wei, represent the paradoxical Taoist ideal of acting without acting (wei wu wei), or "effortless doing," identifying the Tao of all things, and not striving against it...in other words, flowing like water. It is a concept not dissimilar to the Hindu idea of dharma, or the twinned Taoist concept of te (roughly, "doing virtue"). You, dear reader, might now that I have been working on a translation of the Tao Te Ching, from the Classical Chinese characters, for the last few years. I say this by way of allaying any fear you might have, that I have perhaps had unwittingly had "donkey penis" tattooed on my arm, or been taken in by some elaborate joke.

I can already feel a sort of...I don't know...gentle, philosophical tug from the new ink. Of course, it could just be the sunburnt feeling of a forearm-ful of raw, healing skin. One of those two, anyway....

if you think to yourself, “what should I do now?”
then take the baton, and girl, you better run with it.
there is no point in standing in the past...
cause it’s over and done with.

Almost Nostalgia

I spent a wonderful, uncharacteristically solitary two hours watching the splendid A Prairie Home Companion, earlier this afteroon, a throwback to a time and place that not only was I not a part of, but that is largely fictional. This got me thinking: Can you feel nostalgia, properly speaking, for something you've never experienced?

The answer is yes, of course you can. I've spent the week-and-change doing just that.

Choices I've made, things I've said and done, people I've invited in and people I've expelled from my life...from where I sit, this last week has been dense with import. The pure, distilled impact of my decisions and actions has been uncharacteristic and cathartic. I feel vital. I feel lovely. And I feel alive.

I can see some of those wilting possibilities...shifting, diaphanous forms, like people seen through a revolving door: gone before you can properly focus on them. Mixed in with the bittersweet recollections and pseduo-nostalgia of these weres, these almosts are the verdant, vibrant growths of the maybes, the possibles, the will-bes...the heady perfume of which fills me with an abiding goodwill. Life is beautiful, and I am blessed.

age makes no difference till you open your mouth.
use your time just to work things out.
i know that you can't understand,
when i tell you that this wasn't planned.
and so it saddens me to say,
i'm only happy when I move away.